Centerstance

Ask Mike?

   
Joel "The Adonis" Purrier

I have been taking a lot of photos of Centerstance employees and they don't turn out very well. Do you think it is my lack of photography skills or are Centerstance employees not very photogenic?

Think back to the year 2004, the first year of our failed marketing attempt "The Men of Centerstance" calendar. In our ultimate wisdom we thought people would like to see us Au Natural, wearing nothing but a laptop.

Sales went into a nosedive until we sat back and did some deep naval gazing. Apparently, pictures of Pete Samson, Mike Stout on the beach, and Jeff Franklin (all pictured below) were not going to get our clients into a buying mood. Then we figured it out- JOEL PURRIER!!!!! Soon we were cranking out JP mugs, mouse pads, umbrellas, etc. Boy, talk about great marketing. I mean look at that guy, super hunk! Chiseled features, puppy dog eyes, dang, I could go on all day!

 
Pete Samson


Jeff Franklin


Mike Stout

So back to your question- Your camera is probably fine, but you might want to look elsewhere if you want a beauty pageant.

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Ask Mike?

My computer always locks up. I will be working and then all of the sudden I can can't do anything. What causes this and how do I fix it?

Ok, this question really chaps my hide. I have a better question Mr. Lack of Productivity; Why shouldn't your computer lock up? Think on that one for awhile Mr. Smarty Pants. Once you have given some serious thought to this question, have your people call my people and we will sit down over team and get into this Mano a Mano. Got it Chochise!?!

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Ask Mike?

On my drive home I am always noticing single shoes on the freeway. They range from a men's work boot to a children's shoe. What causes this phenomenon?

Ah shoes, one of my favorite topics to ponder. There is a lot of mankind that still needs to learn about the crafty shoe. Many people assume that shoes were invented by man, for man. No so Mon Ami. Shoes were around long before man, and will be here when we are long gone, suffering in the lake of fire for eternity (well in my case anyway). Free range shoes once roamed across our land in great thundering herds. They were a noble and proud creature, free to do as they please. Then one day the white man came along and started to domesticate the shoe. There was a struggle, but soon man discovered how to "break" the shoe, in essence we broke their spirit. These shoes you see on the road are what Phil Knight calls "Rogue" shoes. These shoes long for the old ways, and break free from their chains of slavery to once again roam free. Unfortunately, shoes have lost their ability to live in the wild and typically get run over by cars or simply expire.

I hope you all feel a smidge smarter now!

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Ask Mike?

Do you have a good recipe for fried cheese that you could pass along?

Excellent question - I don't think we give enough attention to our little pasteurized pals in the curd. Cheese is typically made from the milk of goats, cows, buffalo, and sheep. A bacterial culture and enzyme rennet are typically added to help speed it along to your grocery store. So now that you know this, you can hopefully comprehend what I am about to share with you. CHEESE IS ALIVE! Yes, that's right, it is a living, breathing life form. So that little glob of gorgonzola on your next salad may be somebody's aunt. So please, look into your local chapter of the Rights For Cheese Foundation and join me in fighting for the rights of Cheeses everywhere, especially in France where the cheese rights issue has reached a boiling point. So no, I do not have a recipe for fried cheese, you barbarian!

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Ask Mike?

I have a 4 and 1/2 month old puppy and he will go for weeks without having an an accident in the house and then one day he will have one. How do I know when he is fully potty trained?

How can anyone really know when anyone is potty trained? Especially a dog. Keep in mind, dogs are smarter than most humans. Certainly not smarter than me, but smarter than most of my readers. Dogs have a well defined communication system, and in this case your dog is likely sending you a message. A poop-o-gram. Now to other dogs, a steaming heap reads like a fine novel. But for us as humans, well we aren't smart enough to properly interpret this communique. So instead of telling you what your dog is saying, I would like to encourage you to do a few mental calisthenics and try to build up your brain muscle on your own instead of picking my brain like a vulture. Here is what you do, start collecting your dogs excrement, catalog it by date and time, and keep track of what your dog is doing before and after each movement. With this information in hand, you should gain a clear understanding of what your dog is telling you.

This may take years of hard research, but will hopefully lead us to a place where man and dog can eventually go to the park and leave messages for each other.

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Stay tuned for......Ask Mike?

   

I will be in Sonoma, CA next week for vacation and wanted to let you know about a new column that will be debuting on the blog called "Ask Mike?" Everyday next week, we will be asking Mike Stout questions about Centerstance, strange phenomenons, etc. and he will be providing insightful answers to these important questions. Please feel free to ask additional questions in the comments section and we will use those in future "Ask Mike?" columns. Here is a little teaser of what is to come.....

Please keep in mind that Mikes answers may be hard for some people to comprehend. Mike is a deep thinker, very deep. Self taught in the many areas of thought, including Metaphysics, Epistemology, Ethics, Aesthetics and the philosophy of the mind. Frequently, you may recognize Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, and Descartes, and of course Mike's own blend of Confucius like wisdom. Ultimately Mike realizes that truth is subjective, however, his truth is widely regarded as being more subjective than most.

Enjoy!!

disclaimer: Please do not take anything in these upcoming posts seriously.....they are done in good fun and are for entertainment purposes only